Because Of You
by Emri
Summary: Quinn didn't know what they wanted from her. To cry? To sing? To throw things? Well to do any of those things would mean that she cared and truth be told...she had stopped caring about him a long time ago.


**A/N: This is set at the start of season two but doesn't really follow cannon at all. Hope you enjoy...**

**Warnings: There is a little bit of swearing and hints at child abuse but nothing too bad.**

* * *

When they first got the news it was two o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon and Quinn Fabray was sat in an AP Maths class trying not to fall asleep. Emma Pillsbury came running into the classroom with a serious look on her face that immediately turned to a look of pity the second her eyes landed on the blonde sat next to the window.

"Quinn will you come with me please?" Miss Pillsbury asked kindly as all eyes in the room turned to stare at the head cheerleader. She met the eyes of her best friend Santana only for a moment before standing to follow the women. "Take your bag with you." Emma advised and Quinn did as she was told silently before slowly following the red head to her office where Mr Schue was waiting.

Once they were sat around her meticulously clean desk, Mr Schue cleared his throat pointedly at Emma who looked reluctant to start talking. Getting a little annoyed that she had been pulled out of a class, no doubt starting dozens of rumours in the process, Quinn decided to let a little of the HBIC out and asked coldly, "Is there any reason you interrupted my education?"

"Quinn there is no easy way to say this but..." Emma cleared her throat then carried on, "Russell Fabray was taken Lima General Hospital's emergency department about half an hour ago. They declared him dead on arrival. Your mother called the school and told us to inform you."

As the room descended into silence the two adults watched the blonde's face carefully as they waited for her to break down. They were destined to wait for a while as nothing in the blonde's demeanour changed.

"Was that all?" Quinn asked politely.

Emma and Will looked at each other unsurely for a minute then Will replied, "We can drive you down to the hospital now so that you can see your mother and..."

Quinn cut him off by standing up and saying, "That won't be necessary. Now if I'm not mistaken I believe we have Glee club in 5 minutes Mr Schuster."

Any response that the pair may have made went unheard by the Quinn as she strutted out of the room and went to her locker. By the time she was finished putting away her books from the last class, the bell had gone and so she made her way to the choir room.

Not surprisingly she wasn't the first one there and Rachel was already sat primly front and centre. The brunette smiled when she spotted her girlfriend walking into the room so early and she gave her a quick kiss as the blonde settled down next to her.

"I am so glad you are taking my advise and being prompt in your arrival for glee club Quinn as the sooner we all congregate here the quicker we can start practising and furthermore..." Quinn let Rachel ramble on, adding in agreement here and there when it was necessary until almost all the members had arrived. To be honest the rambling didn't annoy her as much as it used to and Quinn mostly just used the time to admire Rachel because she looked really beautiful when she got passionate.

Her admiring time was cut short however when Santana strode into the room, drawing her attention away from her girlfriend.

"What the hell happened Q? Why were you called out of class by Schue's neat freak side-kick?" Santana asked as she stood in front of Quinn with her hands on her hips. The questions caused Rachel to stop her ramblings as she also looked to Quinn waiting for an answer.

"It wasn't anything important I promise." Quinn responded to both of them and neither looked completely satisfied but both let it drop as Mr Schue walked into the room.

"OK guys." Schue clapped his hands together to get the attention of the room before continuing with a sombre expression, "I'm not sure if you would have heard yet but one of our members has recently suffered a devastating loss and as she decided that she still wanted to come to glee club I think that today's lesson and this week's assignment should be singing condolence songs to Quinn." Mr Schue announced looking quite please with himself.

The whole group span to look at her questioningly but only Rachel and Santana in particular looked betrayed.

"Really Mr Schue that is not necessary." Quinn replied honestly but the curly haired man was having none of it.

"I know it must be hard to lose your father Quinn but we are here for you and we want to help you through it." The club gasped at the news and Rachel in particular was staring hard at her but Quinn continued to look at Will and merely raised an eyebrow at his little speech.

Will didn't let it get to him however and he turned to Rachel and asked, "Do you have a good condolence song you can sing Rachel?"

"Of course I do Mr Schue, I am prepared for every situation but I would first like to know why you didn't mention this Quinn?" Quinn had no choice but to look at the chocolate pools of hurt that were staring at her.

"Its really not that big of a deal Rae." Quinn stated with a shrug of her shoulder which only served to infuriate her girlfriend more.

Rachel just sat at looked at the blonde's casual profile for a few moments before nodding her head and moving to the front of the room and whispering to Brad and the band. When she came back to stand in the centre of the room she said, "I know that you are not good at expressing your emotions Quinn but I want you to know that I am here for you and this is what this song is about."

As she finished speaking the music swelled and Rachel started to sing as Mr Schue scurried to sit down.

_When you feel the sunlight  
Fade into the cold night  
Don't know where to turn  
I don't know where to turn  
And all the dreams you're dreaming  
Seem to lose their meaning  
Let me in your world  
Baby, let me in your world  
All you need is someone you can hold  
Don't be sad, you're not alone  
_

Right from the start Rachel was pouring so much into the song that Quinn felt emotional just from watching her girlfriend perform as she usually did.

_I will be here for you  
Somewhere in the night  
Somewhere in the night  
I'll shine a light for you  
Somewhere in the night  
I'll be standing by  
I will be here for you_

Rachel was radiating such love as she walked towards Quinn and took hold of her hands before singing the second verse. By this point the whole of the club had joined in to add some pretty basic backing vocals but Quinn only had eyes for Rachel.

_In this world of strangers_  
_Of cold and friendly faces_  
_Someone you can trust_  
_Oh there's someone you can trust_  
_I will be your shelter_  
_I'll give you my shoulder_  
_Just reach out for my love_  
_Reach out for my love_  
_Call my name and my heart will hear_  
_I will be there, there's nothing to fear_

_I will be here for you  
Somewhere in the night  
Somewhere in the night  
I'll shine a light for you  
Somewhere in the night  
I'll be standing by  
I will be here for you_

As Rachel sang the promise of the last line Quinn let out a beaming smile as the rest of the glee club clapped and she pulled the brunette down onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her.

"I love you Rae." Quinn whispered into Rachel's ear and saw the same beaming smile spread across the diva's face that was always there when Quinn said those words.

"I love you too Quinn." Rachel murmured back as Mr Schue walked back out to the front.

"That was great Rachel. We can call that a day but make sure that all you guys have something prepared tomorrow for this assignment." Schue called out as they all started walking out.

Quinn and Rachel stayed in the position they were in until everyone else had left apart from Santana. The Latina stormed down the risers until she was once again stood in front of the couple.

"Why would you tell us that your Dad's death is nothing Q?" Santana asked with a fierce expression but with some real worry showing through in her eyes.

"Its just not that big of a deal." Quinn repeated what appeared to be the party line causing both her girlfriend and her best friend some frustration.

"Well when you are ready to talk Quinn we are here for you. Do you need a ride to the hospital?" Rachel asked as she got off Quinn's lap and reached for her bag and her car keys.

"Uh yeah I think I do. Thanks Rae." Quinn said as she got up too.

A twenty minute car ride filled with awkward conversation later the three of them arrived at the hospital and found the receptionist. The harassed looking women behind the desk informed them that Russell Fabray had been taken down to the morgue already and that his wife, Judy, was down there with him.

"Are you family?" The receptionist asked Quinn.

"I'm his daughter." Quinn replied and the receptionist took a moment to wonder why the girl didn't look more broken up but quickly moved on instead.

"Well you can go down and see him if you want but only you." The receptionist stated, gesturing that Rachel and Santana couldn't go with her. Quinn agreed and the helpful woman gave her directions. She took off after a few glance at the two brunettes who nodded encouragingly at her.

It was almost like a movie inasmuch as everything got quieter the closer Quinn got to the morgue until she pushed open the door to a room with a white sheet covering a body on a table.

Quinn found it odd that Russell would be in a room all by himself but a croaky voice behind her explained, "They are going to give him an autopsy in a little while. They think he was drunk and if he was then the other man could get off with a lesser or with no sentence."

Quinn spun around to see Judy sat in a chair pushed against the wall,clutching a silver flask between her hands and sporting bleary eyes that weren't bleary from tears.

It didn't surprise Quinn. If there was one thing that her mother was good at it was drinking away her problems. To be honest it had surprised her that Judy had even stayed around this long or that she had even remembered to call the school to make sure that Quinn was informed.

To say that she didn't want to confront her mother about the issue in that moment was an understatement so instead she leaned against the wall next to her. No emotions came as she stared at the mass that was the awkward focal point of the room and tried to ignore the quiet sobs emanating from Judy.

After what felt like far too long a time to spend in silence, a man in a lab coat came in and informed them that he was about to start the autopsy and that they were required to leave. Quinn ushered the older blonde out of the room with an obligatory comforting arm around the shoulder and Judy accepted it also only out of obligation.

Two worried faces met them as they made their way back to the waiting room and Rachel and Santana quickly stood and came over to them when they saw the blondes approach.

"I think I need to take her home now, she...she's struggling." Quinn explained to a very sympathetic looking Rachel and a thoughtful looking Santana.

"That is completely understandable Quinn, you have both had a very rough day and probably just need to spend some time together." Rachel said with an overly fake smile that Quinn tried to return mostly for her girlfriend's sake.

Judy just ignored pretty much everyone and fiddled with the coat pocket that held her flask as Santana continued to give Quinn a thoughtful look that she didn't like.

They said there goodbyes and Judy, against Quinn's better judgement and with the guarantees of sobriety from the woman, drove them home. Quinn couldn't help but feel like they were tempting fate but decided to drive with her mother in the hopes that she could perhaps grab the wheel if necessary.

Judy lived up to her guarantees however and appeared to be sober enough as she drove carefully through the fairly quiet streets of Lima. It gave Quinn time to think and she mostly thought of Santana and prayed that the Latina hadn't been trying to figure her out. Despite the fact that Rachel was her girlfriend the shorter brunette did not know Quinn as well as Santana yet because Quinn and Santana had been best friends since they were 4 years old. That meant that Santana understood Quinn's home situation and more importantly her relationship with her parents and so if anyone were to guess what was really going on with Quinn then it would be her.

What she was feeling was not something that she wanted to be common knowledge because the truth was shameful. It made her hate herself a little but there was no way she could change it. The truth was that she was glad that Russell was dead because it meant she wasn't under his control any more. She was free and that was something she had wanted since she had been 6 years old and Russell had not let her learn how to play guitar because it was not a feminine enough instrument.

It also meant that she wasn't scared any more. Even though he didn't live with them any more it didn't stop the frightened little girl in Quinn's head from wondering if it was him outside her door every night when she heard a creak. Ready to let his frustrations out on her the way he had when he had lived with them.

Russell Fabray could no longer stop her from living her life and so she was glad that he was gone but it made her feel guilty and so nobody could ever find out how she was really feeling. Ideally she would fake tears and pretend to bemoan a tragic loss but she just couldn't find it within herself to summon up such fake emotions. The best she had managed so far was to just pretend like she was emotionally deadened.

As soon as they got into the house, Quinn and Judy went their separate ways and for all intents and purposes pretended as if they were each alone in the house. The next morning Quinn pointedly made sure that she wasn't in the house when Judy woke up so that she didn't have to deal with any awkward morning talk. It was not a new occurrence, she had become well practised at that particular morning routine many months ago.

There was one difference that morning however as Quinn felt entirely too brave and decided to skip cheerleading practice. She decided that if there was ever a time for her to be able to get away with it, it would be the day after her father's death.

Instead of making her way to a sports field she instead found herself parking up on the side of a random road and staring at the tarmac. It would look no different from any other road had it not been for the shattered glass that was glittering up from the black surface.

Any onlooker would have perhaps suggested that she had come here to try to get her head around her loss but the truth was that she was just trying to feel anything. She got out of her car and stood in the area, if not in the exact spot, that Russell died but she could find no tears to shed.

Instead, after a few more moments of staring at the ground, Quinn got back into her car and drove to school.

* * *

Quinn really hoped that this wasn't going to happen too many more times because as much as she didn't mind Rachel and Santana singing to her about they would be there for her she wasn't sure if she could stand anyone else from the club singing to her. Except for Brittany because nobody could be mad at Brittany.

Santana's choice of song though... Quinn was just kind of feeling really awkward as Santana strutted to the front of the class that afternoon in glee club and started belting out her song.

_Like a comet  
Blazing 'cross the evening sky  
Gone too soon_

_Like a rainbow_  
_Fading in the twinkling of an eye_  
_Gone too soon_

_Shiny and sparkly_  
_And splendidly bright_  
_Here one day_  
_Gone one night_

Santana's words were ringing fake in her ears and she was fairly sure that the Latina was purposefully being fake. She was trying to make Quinn open up by singing about how great Russell was when they both knew that it wasn't true.

_Like the loss of sunlight  
On a cloudy afternoon  
Gone too soon_

_Like a castle_  
_Built upon a sandy beach_  
_Gone too soon_

_Like a perfect flower_  
_That is just beyond your reach_  
_Gone too soon_

_Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight_

_Here one day  
Gone one night_

_Like a sunset  
Dying with the rising of the moon  
Gone too soon_

_Gone too soon_

As the final note faded into a solemn kind of clapping, Santana made eye contact with Quinn and there was a clear challenge in her eyes. She wanted Quinn to correct her, to say that Russell was none of those things.

So as Quinn sat in the choir room with twelve pairs of sympathetic eyes on her, clutching her girlfriend's hand, she panicked as she realised that Santana knew how she really felt.

* * *

It wasn't until Quinn had to go to her locker before glee club the next day that Santana finally caught up with her. Quinn had been doing everything in her power to avoid the brunette and the inevitable conversation that a confrontation would bring and it had worked so far.

"We need to talk Q." Santana stated as Quinn slammed her locker closed accidentally as her best friend had shocked her. Trying to play it off the best she could, Quinn pretended that she had meant to close her locker and walked towards glee with her notebook still in her hand.

"About what?" Quinn asked though she knew the answer.

"About how you are glad that Russell is dead." Santana whispered in the blonde's ear, causing the cheerleader to spin around in shock and fix her with a glare.

"You don't know what you're talking about San." Quinn stated seriously.

"Its OK to be glad he is not terrifying you any more. Its OK to be happy that you are free from him but when you get over that feeling you will be filled with regret and that is when we will be here for you. Not those losers in glee who sing for anything but your real friends. Me, Britt and the hobbit." Santana spoke with some softness that was usually only reserved for Brittany.

"Its really _not_ OK Santana." Quinn murmured back before walking into the choir room to a worry filled Rachel.

This time Quinn was fairly sure people were trying to make things worse for her. The only thing that was stopping her from believing that was the fact that Finn Hudson was far to dumb to realise how inappropriate the song he was singing was.

_The lights go down, outside  
Before the cars collide  
So we silhouette ourselves  
In forty shades of fire_

_Do you know where this is leading?_  
_I'll meet you there_  
_On the other side of the crash_  
_On the other side of the glass_

Quinn took a quick scan of the faces sat around her but nobody seemed to notice her gaze because they were all casting incredulous stares at Finn. Some looked appalled, others looked angry , Rachel looked murderous and, like Quinn, Santana was trying not to laugh at the absurdity of what was happening.

_All your family is falling out,  
Can't look you in the eye,  
Or bear to hear that broken sound,  
Happens when we're all alone, inside,  
In the middle of the night  
I hear your voice,  
I feel ashamed every time you say,  
"Car crash came and car crash went  
So I went along with it"  
Because the man you love's not coming back  
It'll never be the same  
_

Then there was the awkward moment when Quinn's ex-boyfriend came over and took her hands as she sang the song like a love ballad to her. She took her hands out of his grasp almost immediately and took Rachel's hands to try and forget the feel of Finn and also to stop Rachel from pouncing. None of this seemed to affect an oblivious Finn who just carried on singing the incredibly inappropriate song.

_Over and out of control  
Keep crashing this car, over and over,  
Keep crashing this car till it spins  
Out of control, Out of control _

_We fight currents in the water when we can't let go of the shore  
We've lost control_

Nobody clapped when it was over which Quinn was grateful for. At this point both Rachel and Santana were shaking but one with anger and one with the fact that she hadn't been able to control her laughter any more. Eventually Santana's laughing broke the silence and everyone turned to her stunned as finally Quinn let out her laughter too and it seemed to calm Rachel down a little.

"Guys I don't think you understand that I just sang a sad song." Finn explained stupidly.

"Oh wow Finn that was just...you are just a massive..." Quinn trailed off into laughter.

Santana finished her best friend's sentence by shouting out, "Dick-head." and then falling into her laughter as well.

"I was going to say moron but that works too." Quinn replied to the loud vulgarity as she wiped a tear from her eye. "Thanks for cheering me up Finn, you idiocy is always rewarding to watch."

Quinn patted him on the shoulder as she left the room and Mr Schue quickly announced that they could all leave after that.

Rachel rushed out of the room but discovered that she needn't have rushed as Quinn was waiting by the brunette's locker for her with a big smile on her face.

"Hello again beautiful." Quinn greeted and pulled Rachel into a kiss when the shorter girl got close enough. It only lasted a moment because Rachel didn't want to let herself get distracted because there was something she needed to talk about and she would be damned if they didn't talk about it.

"Quinn what was that in there? I mean you just laughed when you should have wanted to hurt Finn for singing about a car crash and about losing control. He even went as far as to point out your loss and say that things will never be the same again in the least comforting way possible. I know I wanted to hurt him but you and Santana just laughed. I don't understand." Rachel let out her whole speech in one breath and Quinn waited patiently until she was done.

"Rae its Finn. He is an idiot so what happened in there was funny and a little pathetic but mostly funny. Santana and I laughed because we have the same sense of humour. We both enjoy watching Finn make himself look like a jackass." Quinn explained with a light smile that wasn't returned.

"Didn't it get you upset?" Rachel questioned but Quinn just shook her head in the negative.

Rachel sighed and looked up and down the hallways as if looking for someone to help her but to help her with what, Quinn didn't really know. Rachel played with the pleats of Quinn's skirt as she gathered her thoughts and finally asked, "Why won't you tell me how you're feeling Quinn? Do you not want to be with me any more?" It was said with such vulnerability that she felt sadder hearing those defeated words coming from the mouth of the girl she loved than she had felt over the past three days.

"Rachel look at me." Quinn demanded and when Rachel didn't oblige she put a gentle hand under Rachel's chin and made sure there was direct eye contact before she spoke.

"Rachel Berry I am so in love with you that I would never want to not be with you. Just because I don't want to talk about my feelings doesn't mean that I love you any less." Quinn said and immediately disliked the sudden thought in Rachel's eyes as it was usually a look that meant bad things for her.

"So sing about your feelings!" Rachel suggested loudly and with excitement. Quinn's eyes widened at the prospect especially because she knew that Rachel would guilt her into doing it. Rachel had already started suggesting a number of songs that she thought were appropriate but they were all mourning songs.

It hit her in a flash of inspiration the song that perfectly described how she felt about Russell Fabray and she knew she would have to sing it just because every moment she thought about it she realised how much she needed to get her feelings off her chest.

"Its OK Rae, I know just the song."

* * *

The whole club was sat on the risers in front of her, the band were to the side of her with sheet music waiting and all of them were waiting for her to say something about what she was going to sing.

"This song is pretty much exactly how I feel about my Father. I suppose I just need to get this out." With that Quinn nodded to the band and the opening chords started to a song that nobody was expecting. Understanding finally lit up in Rachel's eyes and pride lit up in Santana's.

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far_

The words she sang were a promise she made that she would never fall into the broken cycle of pain that Russell had inflicted on her. She would not do that to her future children the way that others in her situation might have. She would not be a future carbon copy of Russell Fabray.

_Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
_Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_  
_Because of you, I am afraid_

He had messed her up so badly. She found it hard to let Rachel in at first. If Santana hadn't forced her way in Quinn may never have fully opened up to the Latina.

_I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with_

She thought back to the way that he would snarl at her or take another shot at her if she would cry after he delivered out justice to her in the night. She remembered when she had been forced to be the perfect daughter faking laughs and smiles for anyone her Father introduced her to. The way she could never truly be herself with him around.

_Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
_Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_  
_Because of you, I am afraid_

_I watched you die_  
_I heard you cry every night in your sleep_  
_I was so young_  
_You should have known better than to lean on me_  
_You never thought of anyone else_  
_You just saw your pain_  
_And now I cry in the middle of the night_  
_For the same damn thing_

As the song quietened down after the crescendo, Quinn finally stopped singing to the back wall and looked at a few of her classmates. All of them had tears in their eyes as they understood, at least to some degree, how appropriate the song was to describe her feelings and how vulnerable it was making her to admit everything even if just through a song.

_Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
_Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything_  
_Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in_  
_Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_  
_Because of you, I am afraid_

_Because of you_  
_Because of you_

She would never miss the man she had once called Daddy because it really was all because of Russell Fabray that Quinn so often felt alone and empty and just plain scared.

And it would always be because of him.

**A/N: Songs were:**

**Rachel: I will be there for you by Michael Smith**

**Santana: Gone too soon by Michael Jackson**

**Finn: The other side of the crash by Thursdays**

**Quinn: Because of you by Kelley Clarkson**

**Please tell me what you thought...**


End file.
